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I had a really awful nightmare last night (this morning, really, because I got home around7am, showered and crashed until2pm) which is making it difficult to function today. In my dream, I was a murderer. But the murders had been committeed years before, so only remembered having done it. But the police had just found a fingerprint on a paint your own pottery thing that I'd done and so they were going to figure out at any moment that it was me. The whole murder had made sense in my dream--it happened in Florida, I think I'd killed a secret lover and two other people connected to him (or possibly witnesses). It was something physical--stabbing or strangling, I think. There was a playground involved as well, I think... or maybe that's just where I was when I found out about the fingerprint. But at any rate, I was freaking out because I was going to be found out at any moment and I was reading every newspaper I could find to see if I could figure out where the investigation was at present so I could figure out how much time I had before I needed to kill myself. I knew I couldn't live with my mother knowing I was the murderer.
When I woke up, I was in tears and seriously distraught. It took me a minute or two or realize that it was a dream. And it took a good half an hour to convince myself that I'd never murdered anyone. The problem was that the murders happened before the dream, so I didn't even have the images of that in order to convince myself it didn't happen. I just had the feeling that I'd had in the dream: that I'd murdered people and was about to get caught. About a dozen times today I had to remind myself that I HAVE been to Florida but I never killed anyone and no one is after me and there's no reason to kill myself. I even went and told my mother (because telling her was apparently this huge aspect of my dream--I remember her being SO excited about finding out who the murderer was). She assured me that she still loves me and that I have not killed anyone. I'm convinced it's true but I'm still rattled.
See, the benefit of only getting 5-6 hours of sleep a night is the lack of memorable dreams. This was just horrid.
When I woke up, I was in tears and seriously distraught. It took me a minute or two or realize that it was a dream. And it took a good half an hour to convince myself that I'd never murdered anyone. The problem was that the murders happened before the dream, so I didn't even have the images of that in order to convince myself it didn't happen. I just had the feeling that I'd had in the dream: that I'd murdered people and was about to get caught. About a dozen times today I had to remind myself that I HAVE been to Florida but I never killed anyone and no one is after me and there's no reason to kill myself. I even went and told my mother (because telling her was apparently this huge aspect of my dream--I remember her being SO excited about finding out who the murderer was). She assured me that she still loves me and that I have not killed anyone. I'm convinced it's true but I'm still rattled.
See, the benefit of only getting 5-6 hours of sleep a night is the lack of memorable dreams. This was just horrid.
