Stargate Fic
Aug. 31st, 2003 12:46 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
tarotgalI decided to start a Stargate SG-1 fic finally *G*
It takes place in the series directly after Avenger 2.0 (I'm sorry, I really, really dig a wet Daniel. He was too hard to resist)
I wrote a teaser... basically just an intro/background to the fic to get feedback... Is the tone okay? Am I too long-winded and runony for a Stargate fic? Have I bored you all too much already?
Daniel sniffed wetly, unable to keep his runny nose in check while the downpour enveloped him in freezing rain. As he ushered groups through, one after the other, constantly checking his watch for the time, he began to start feeling a little better. They had evacuated most before the storms had hit, and for as much faith as he’d had that Sam would figure out a solution, he’d never met this Felger character and blamed him entirely for the incident. Thus he had very little hope of it being resolved in enough time to get everyone to the relocation planet. The first outgoing wormhole had lifted his spirits, however, and seeing the hoards of people disappearing into it with rehearsed precision made him feel better. Not entirely better, for the pounding wind and rain were fierce and his head throbbed with ache and congestion. He would worry about that when there was time, though, and settled for sniffing wetly every few seconds.
“Is that everyone?!” Daniel yelled, holding the hood of his raincoat to keep it from blowing off and holding tight to the DHD to keep himself from blowing over as well. He was barely audible in the rain, but the others knew what he was saying without hearing him. His vision was blurry, his glasses almost of no use in the weather. He has to continually take them off and try to wipe them against something. But nothing was dry any more. He wore the raincoat almost as a formality, to protect against the cold of the wind and rain, for he was already soaked to the skin.
The logs were now water-logged but apparently it was everyone. Daniel went through with the last team, emerging out of the Stargate onto a calm, peaceful plain. There were literally thousands of groups set up around tents and fires here, refugees from a planet, the surviving members of an entire civilization. And Daniel had finally saved them. He felt a few pats against his back, which slid down the back of his slick, wet raincoat.
Droplets of water still cascaded from his hair down his face. And though the sun of this new world shone warmly, he felt none of it buried under four layers of wet, clinging clothes. And the cold which had been threatening him for days now in the cold and wet, seemed more pronounced in such weather’s absence. As was instinct when he felt a sneeze coming on, he reached for his handkerchief, finding everything in that pocket soaked right through, including what used to be his wallet. So he cupped his hands to his nose and mouth instead, bending forward with the sneezes. “hitchuhhh! Hechhhh!” He sniffled wetly to follow it up, and ran a finger under his nose to run away the tiny tickles which lingered there.
He was brought a rather dirty towel. Dirty but dry, and wasted no time in drying his hands, face, and glasses in the cleanest parts he could find. Dry was dry when you’d been soaked to the skin for days. One of the other members from an SG team ran up to him, rambling off a bunch of things for a report. It sounded as though the relocation had been a huge success and they were all safe, dry, and thankful the additional members had made it. Daniel, though certainly joyous, did not hear much of the report, but nodded all the same. The roar of the wind still filled his ears and he found himself yelling in reply, despite himself. “Sounds good! I’m going back home!” he said, pointing at the Stargate as though the simple words had not been understood. Then he cupped a hand over his nose and mouth. “hihChhhhh! hehShhhh! huhShhhhh!” His nose almost burned with the need to be tended to now, after he sneezed. And he felt dizzy after the third, swaying on the spot and glad there hadn’t been a fourth. As proud as he was of his and the other leaders’ accomplishments this day, all he really wanted to do was get back to Earth and enjoy a bit of rest.
He dialed home, double checking the symbols just to be sure he had not misdialed in his fatigue. His hands still shook with cold. But another member of one of the SG teams confirmed a correct call as well for him. With a great flood of relief, Daniel mounted the stairs and walked briskly into the Stargate.
Oh, and my complete and utter thanks to anyone who comes up with a suitable title better than the two floating around in my mind *G*
heehee! For once my icon fits the content of my post perfectly!!! Yay!
It takes place in the series directly after Avenger 2.0 (I'm sorry, I really, really dig a wet Daniel. He was too hard to resist)
I wrote a teaser... basically just an intro/background to the fic to get feedback... Is the tone okay? Am I too long-winded and runony for a Stargate fic? Have I bored you all too much already?
Daniel sniffed wetly, unable to keep his runny nose in check while the downpour enveloped him in freezing rain. As he ushered groups through, one after the other, constantly checking his watch for the time, he began to start feeling a little better. They had evacuated most before the storms had hit, and for as much faith as he’d had that Sam would figure out a solution, he’d never met this Felger character and blamed him entirely for the incident. Thus he had very little hope of it being resolved in enough time to get everyone to the relocation planet. The first outgoing wormhole had lifted his spirits, however, and seeing the hoards of people disappearing into it with rehearsed precision made him feel better. Not entirely better, for the pounding wind and rain were fierce and his head throbbed with ache and congestion. He would worry about that when there was time, though, and settled for sniffing wetly every few seconds.
“Is that everyone?!” Daniel yelled, holding the hood of his raincoat to keep it from blowing off and holding tight to the DHD to keep himself from blowing over as well. He was barely audible in the rain, but the others knew what he was saying without hearing him. His vision was blurry, his glasses almost of no use in the weather. He has to continually take them off and try to wipe them against something. But nothing was dry any more. He wore the raincoat almost as a formality, to protect against the cold of the wind and rain, for he was already soaked to the skin.
The logs were now water-logged but apparently it was everyone. Daniel went through with the last team, emerging out of the Stargate onto a calm, peaceful plain. There were literally thousands of groups set up around tents and fires here, refugees from a planet, the surviving members of an entire civilization. And Daniel had finally saved them. He felt a few pats against his back, which slid down the back of his slick, wet raincoat.
Droplets of water still cascaded from his hair down his face. And though the sun of this new world shone warmly, he felt none of it buried under four layers of wet, clinging clothes. And the cold which had been threatening him for days now in the cold and wet, seemed more pronounced in such weather’s absence. As was instinct when he felt a sneeze coming on, he reached for his handkerchief, finding everything in that pocket soaked right through, including what used to be his wallet. So he cupped his hands to his nose and mouth instead, bending forward with the sneezes. “hitchuhhh! Hechhhh!” He sniffled wetly to follow it up, and ran a finger under his nose to run away the tiny tickles which lingered there.
He was brought a rather dirty towel. Dirty but dry, and wasted no time in drying his hands, face, and glasses in the cleanest parts he could find. Dry was dry when you’d been soaked to the skin for days. One of the other members from an SG team ran up to him, rambling off a bunch of things for a report. It sounded as though the relocation had been a huge success and they were all safe, dry, and thankful the additional members had made it. Daniel, though certainly joyous, did not hear much of the report, but nodded all the same. The roar of the wind still filled his ears and he found himself yelling in reply, despite himself. “Sounds good! I’m going back home!” he said, pointing at the Stargate as though the simple words had not been understood. Then he cupped a hand over his nose and mouth. “hihChhhhh! hehShhhh! huhShhhhh!” His nose almost burned with the need to be tended to now, after he sneezed. And he felt dizzy after the third, swaying on the spot and glad there hadn’t been a fourth. As proud as he was of his and the other leaders’ accomplishments this day, all he really wanted to do was get back to Earth and enjoy a bit of rest.
He dialed home, double checking the symbols just to be sure he had not misdialed in his fatigue. His hands still shook with cold. But another member of one of the SG teams confirmed a correct call as well for him. With a great flood of relief, Daniel mounted the stairs and walked briskly into the Stargate.
Oh, and my complete and utter thanks to anyone who comes up with a suitable title better than the two floating around in my mind *G*
heehee! For once my icon fits the content of my post perfectly!!! Yay!
Yummy
Date: 2003-08-31 09:06 pm (UTC)Looking forward to reading more,
BVB
Re: Yummy
Date: 2003-09-02 08:24 am (UTC)I'm glad it didn't seem long-winded to you! And glad the tone was good for the pov, especially. Daniel seems like the kind of guy who'd try and continue on with his work when he had to, even if sick, though perhaps not doing so perfectly.
no subject
Date: 2003-09-01 03:11 pm (UTC)Actually, I haven't seen that ep. I rely on Stargates.tk for the latest eps, and they take them down after a week or two. And I was on vacation while Space Race and Avenger 2.0 aired. But any road, having said that I don't think it's long-winded - from the perspective of someone who hasn't seen the ep, it's perfect. It gives enough background information so you know what's going on, but it's not too spoilery.
The tone is great, actually. It looks like it's starting off pretty quickly, so again I say so not long-winded. You've already got me wanting more, and the characterisation so far seems spot-on.
As for titles, how about song lyrics/titles or quotes? Bartleby.com (http://bartleby.com/) is awesome for that.
no subject
Date: 2003-09-02 08:21 am (UTC)I'm glad you were able to follow it all right having not seen that particular episode (which wasn't my favorite, but a wet Daniel is a wet Daniel *G*)
Thanks for your comments about the tone/focus/pace. Very helpful :-) The story gets more dialoguey once he gets back to Stargate command. I'm SO worried about characterization, but Daniel's one of those characters I can hear perfectly in my head, so I'm not as worried about him as some of the others.
All I really have for the story are little flashes of images... no plot... and nothing yet to string them into a full story. So I'm going to have to think a little while as to how to make it a story... even a PWP story. I'm a bit worried still... but I always am when it comes to a new fandom!
So your comments are MUCH appreciated!
no subject
Date: 2003-09-02 01:45 pm (UTC)Yeah, I heard both SR and Avenger were sort of... meh. But cheers for wet Daniel. Too cute to resist. (whistles innocently)
Hooray! for dialogue. And he's definitely a chatty character. Mmmm. PWP. That may be the best way to go, though. Just start off with something fun to get a feel for the characters before heading into the more plot-driven stuff? But if you need someone to pick through for consistency, or if you just need to be pointed to some informative sites, I'd be more than happy to help. :)
SG-1 fic...
Date: 2003-09-02 06:37 pm (UTC)VERY true... I'm trying to title a Star Wars story right now... tis driving me crazy... maybe I'll go play some more with quotes and song titles and things... I haven't of yet found anything that fits it... but it's a WEIRD fic so I'm not too surprised
Yeah, I heard both SR and Avenger were sort of... meh. But cheers for wet Daniel. Too cute to resist. (whistles innocently)
I liked Space Race... certainly not in the same league as many other episodes, but I did really like it. Erm. Perhaps because the ship's named the Severis? (or is that Serverus?) Or perhaps because there's another Teal'c as Murry bit... And sometimes I'm just in the mood for a good, fun SG-1 episode. :-)
I really thought I'd like Avenger 2.0 more, though. I ADORED The Other Guys... but even 'meh' episodes of SG-1 are so far superior to the bad Highlander: the series episodes that it's really hard for me to say anything bad about the stargate series at all :-)
Hooray! for dialogue. And he's definitely a chatty character.
heehee Well... he's only being semi-chatty right now... but then again, he's tired and sick, so what have you
Mmmm. PWP. That may be the best way to go, though. Just start off with something fun to get a feel for the characters before heading into the more plot-driven stuff?
Exactly. Though theme-wise I do sort of want to bring up the fact that they need Daniel for certain things and certainly do feel his absence... not that that hasn't alredy been fully explored in the series, but it's that canon thing pushing at me again to feel consistent.
But if you need someone to pick through for consistency, or if you just need to be pointed to some informative sites, I'd be more than happy to help. :)
I might take you up on that, when it gets a little further ahead. Not so much a beta as a "TG, this is SO out of character it needs to be removed" or a "TG, why the heck are they doing this? Don't you remember episode X which established that?" sort of person :-)
Re: SG-1 fic...
Date: 2003-09-12 02:53 pm (UTC)Really? So I'm not the only geek who squees over Other Fandom references, whether they're intentional or not? ;) Actually, I've liked all the episodes I've been able to see this season. Not just for the team (yay! Original team!) but for the interaction between the lesser characters. I hate to say it, but as much as I love Jack, RDA's lighter schedule is so working for me because we actually get to see the other members of SG-1 having conversations. Gasp! Ah, going over my head there. They still haven't played s6 in Canada. Bastards.
Aww, poor sick and tired Daniel. >:) He just makes it so easy to whump him.
Hooray for canon! What's wrong with bringing that point home again? It makes much more sense, anyway. Especially this season. :) And it'll give the story a warm fuzzy team feeling, I reckon.
Wah ha. The dark side of beta reading. Not just for spell/grammar checks, but to poke holes in theories and point out inconsistencies. ;) I'm pretty well-versed on my Stargate knowledge, so just ask if you need it.
Re: SG-1 fic...
Date: 2003-09-12 09:14 pm (UTC)heeheee! I think that's one of the qualifying characteristics of being a geek, actually :-)
As for Jack- I do adore the character, but I have to agree, I love all the interactions and such between and among the other characters. I always felt a bit bad for Sam in season 5, actually. She cries over Daniel and gives such a moving speech to get him back in the first episode of 6. But she never gets a visit from him when he's in Ascended form. I know it probably would have been cheesy just to write an episode where she needed one to balance out the others... but still... I always felt bad when the others were like 'Um, yeah, Daniel appeared to me a few times actually... he didn't stop in and say hi to you?'
Aww, poor sick and tired Daniel. >:) He just makes it so easy to whump him.
*G* So very true :-)
And I probably could use a beta reader when I finally finish it. I'm always just so nervous about getting into new fandoms. Especially the more popular ones.
Re: SG-1 fic...
Date: 2003-09-26 05:04 pm (UTC)I always hated the writers in that respect. I love Amanda Tapping, she's such a sweet woman, but sometimes I really hate Sam because they're so inconsistent with her. They either tend to make her Super!Sam, the militaristic wonder woman who can leap tall building in a single bound and kick your ass five ways from Sunday while she's at it, or they turn her into some Fangirl type character, who doesn't seem to care about her carreer or the fact that she could be court martialed as long as she can make googly eyes and be all girly-like. >_< Poor Sam gets the shaft way too often.
They can be intimidating, can't they? That's what I love so much about Sneezefic. All the love, without any of the frightening vastness. :) But the fic will rock, either way. Cause, duh, SG-1 and TG. Can't go wrong there. ;)
Re: SG-1 fic...
Date: 2003-09-27 06:26 am (UTC)And your comment about fangirl!Sam... I feel guily as heck about that one because Ascension's one of my favorite episodes... but that's because I'm a rabid fangirl when it comes to my Sean Patrick Flannery :-) So I can't blame Sam for that. But you're certainly right about it. There are tons of times when she's so career driven... and others where she doesn't seem to care... poor Sam. Can't just *be*. Always has to jump around. Though my favorite Sam episode still has to be Singularity. Oooh.... though I loved Solitudes, too.
And that's true... I definitely feel less pressure when I'm writing sneezefic... I guess because I assume all my glaring mistakes and plot holes aren't as noticeable when there are cute guys sneezing. *waves watch* Look at the cute guys... ignore my horrible errors... cute guys are sneezing- look at them instead
Re: SG-1 fic...
Date: 2003-10-27 08:45 pm (UTC)For sure! Eps like those are so awesome, because they show that every once in a while they can get her dead-on. And that's not to say that she can't be a woman and have crushes, or whatever have you, but I think sometimes they take it a bit too far.
LOL! But you're right, I think that people in the community are so much more laid-back and lenient. There are some crazy hard-nosed fans out there, and here it's more for the enjoyment of the fic than the scary amounts of nitpicking. :)
no subject
Date: 2003-09-02 04:36 am (UTC)Horray- a cute cuddley cold-striken Daniel! (yay!!)
I love it- please continue! btw- I love that it is from his p.o.v..
Thanks tons.
tma
no subject
Date: 2003-09-02 08:26 am (UTC)Glad the start was acceptable then :-)
I always get so nervous when starting in a new fandom.
I've got a lot of work to do to string this one into a story... but I'm eager to try :-)
Thanks much!