TG's Realm Updated

[tarotgal]

tarotgal's Realm has been updated again :-)
This update includes:

• 3 Star Wars fanfics-
  
  • The Light(as posted on sneezefic),
    
  • Bearing the Bondage(the Obi-Torture fic I keep mentioning),
    
  • a page and ongoing journal for my OC Tala
  
  
• 7 video clips re-loaded in case you missed them the first time(s)

If you're into that kind of thing and end up reading 'Bearing the Bondage' I'd love some feedback about it... I'm really nervous about it... it's not entirely my type of writing (at least, the first half of the story isn't) and it actually makes me a little uneasy... so it's hard for me to tell if it's any good. The comfort aspects in the second half I'm sure are pretty good or at least standard for me... I'm just worried about the hurt :-)
Anyhoo... feedback would be appreiciated if you can make it through the story. OH! And if you're familiar at all with the Jedi Apprentice series and have comments about my use of a few characters from it, that would be a big help, too!

Comments

[(Anonymous)]

Hey sweeti - just got back from visiting your site and, as if there were any doubt, reading BoB.

It definitely wasn't what you normally write - but you seem to have a good grasp on that concept, already, no? :) Honestly, I thought you did very well - you were out of your element and you still managed to pull off a *good* fic.

The Obi-pain was something I have never seen before - at least not this "venue" of it. Interesing little device - you'll have masochistic nymphomaniacs the world over clammoring to have their very own. Rather evil, actually - I LOVED it! Hehe. The only thing I might have liked to see more of out of the pain part would have been a bit more time spent on his injuries/physical pain, etc. He just came out so physically abused from this whole situation - I know it's the budding sadist in me talking :D - but it seemed a little bit of a long jump from the pain/pleasure toy to the battered and bloodied padawan Qui finds. But I'm a glutton for Obi-torture, so my desire for it may be a bit larger than that of the average kinky-sneezefic reader. ;)

The comfort was perfect. Obi wrapped in tin foil, like a little baked potato...Qui in leathers...naked...mmmm...

...er, right. So, yeah - Qui's the most adorable caretaker. The bond those two share - the way you write it - is...amazing. That squidgy feeling in your stomach when you read something truly 'awww' worthy was perpetual throughout the second half of the fic. I love that feeling - great job!

LoL, about the characters. Honestly, Jude Watson paints things with such a colored view that you're better off taking the names and creating your own personalities, anyway. The woman could not write a decent characterization to save her life. The plots had substance - some were good - but the way she wrote...she adored Qui to a fault. He was so far beyond Obi's reach - it was awful. She had Obi letting his anger get the better of him every few pages, only to have Qui rebuke him harshly in a distinctly holier-than-thou manner. I don't think that much of Adi's personality is revealed in the books - other than she seems oddly influenced by any and all of Qui-Gon's brilliant suggestions...but that's pretty much a trait shared by all the characters personalities'. Siri is an obnoxious brat who doesn't seem to know when to shut up. She's talented with a lightsaber, but cocky - independant. I think, at some point, she ends up leaving the Order. Not sure - fits the mold, though.

It took me quite some time to realize that not only was I wasting my time reading this drivel, but that I was wasting a good 4 bucks a pop - it really irked me. I, personally, think her writing is insulting to the age group it was meant to be read by - 12 year olds, I believe. It insinuates that they are so simple minded that one dimensional characters and an entire series' bias towards one specific Jedi master is enough to satiate them. She even carried over this awful Qui worship (not that I don't adore Qui, but her tendency to make him an omnipotent god does not sit well with me) to that new series, Jedi Quest, w/ Anakin. EVERY time Obi-Wan manages to do something right with Ani's training - and his those occassions are few and far between, I assure you - it's attributed to something Qui-Gon said or did or implied or didn't actually say, but meant to, I'm sure. And all failures are completely his. Grrr. Another reason why fanfiction is so much better than the EU.

Wow, rant - :D oops. To sum up - Loved it. It was a fantastic (successful)attempt at something different. I'm glad to see that you're experementing with other avenues of writing - it was a nice change from the ordinary. :D

- circe

[tarotgal]

You know, I'm really glad you said that because I felt by the time I'd ended that the 'torture' wasn't really long enough either. But I'd already constructed so much of a sequel that I figured I'd explore that a little later. But I totally see your point.. Hrmmmmmm... Think I might go back and add a tad. I've felt from the beginning that the passage of time wasn't long enough(even though I was trying for a 'losing track of passage of time' thing) I really do think it needs a little more though, even if I do elaborate as I intend to in a sequel.

Though I am glad you liked the second half. I liked the second half. I'm still undecided about the first. Not really my thing *G*
But yeah... the Qui-Gon-care-taker bit was wonderful to get out of my head... I'm glad you liked the imagery, too *G*

As for Adi and Siri, I basically needed a contemporary of Obi's and Siri was the only one described on StarWars.com in any detail. So I read her bio and it seemed to fit... and then I got to the end and found out that not only did she leave the Jedi over an argument with Adi (which was a nice way to bring out that tiny bit of 'know-your-place-ness' with Q/O) but that she got involved in the slave trade. Which seemed ironic since I'd written most of the story already. Adi seemed much nicer from her bio... but was very difficult to tell their characterizations, obviously. I figured Siri couldn't be too bad since she and Obi were supposedly very good friends. And Adi got onto the council... but was still nervous about throwing them in there like that.

Yeah... I adore Qui to death... but he's FAR from perfect. The point is that all Jedi are united under the force... but all really are different at the core. It makes sense that Jedi Masters would have much different techniques in training their apprentices, and as they choose their own, well, it only makes sense that they would choose ones for whom their teachings might be well applied. As Obi didn't get a choice with Ani, I'm not surprised things didn't go, er, as well as they could have.
Sorry to hear that the books are a disappointment on so many levels- though I can completely understand. I don't mind when people run with characters in a different way, etc. but it's hard to spend money on ones you feel aren't really alligned with how you see them and feel. With fanfics you can just stop reading and no harm done.

[(Anonymous)]

I was thinking about it and I might have realized why the torture seemed 'not long enough.' The only thing with it, really, was that when that girl came and had her way with Obi, she left very little in way of physical marring. She dug her nails into him, but it seemed to go by quickly - little pain that, when placed against what Obi looked like in the end, seemed not to match up. Maybe if you just made her a bit more...aggressive? Or perhaps another small scene with her character completely the opposite of what it was the first time? It just seemed that she was his main abuser - from both that scene and her interest in his purchase - and that encounter made her seem disturbed, obviously, but not overly torturous. (Feel free to tell me to shove my suggestions at any time you please, by the way :)

The fic definitely did have a fuzzy sense of time feel. It's totally understandable that not only would the torture be enough to push him into a state of semi timeless-ness, but also being in a dark basement with no sense of the time of day, and, honestly, who would want to keep track of the time in a place like that? I just wanted to let you know that you DID get what you were going for. :D

**Obi-Wan’s heart sunk. “Master, I’m not that badly off,” he insisted in a hiss, not wishing for Siri to look like the stronger of the two Padawans. **

This is a perfect display of their relationship - according to JA, at least. I believe - I haven't read them in years, I could be wrong :) - that an entire book was dedicated to their rivalry. I think it opened with some sort of blindfold training thing between, an exercise on cooperation, and Siri abandoned working together in order to excell on her own. Obi followed suit in order to not appear less of a padawan than she...It's actually rather disturbing that I remember this. :D

You did great with the characterization. Both were distinctly different from Obi, Qui, and each other and gave good variation to the fic as well as interaction between characters. LOL! I guess we know where Siri got her beginner's tips.

I loved the healer bit, too. Qui infringing on Obi's pride, then attempting to cover it up, sighting his own injuries as reason. And the small repromand that Qui gave was definitely a good way to affirm the pecking order. They may be lovers, but they are still a Jedi master and padawan. Good job!

Yay! Sequel! I can't wait. I adore your Obi/Qui fluffy goodness. It's my drug.

-circe

[tarotgal]

As for the torture... the one scene described (black-haired chica) was just as you said, not at all a good representation of the sort of treatment he received. She was actually the least violent of his three captors, being interested in him for, er, more than just the physical.
The other two are a bit worse... and a heck of a lot more physically violent. Going into detail about their abuse towards him just seemed like something that fit into the sequels better (as of last night, I decided to write 2, actually) Each of the three stories is going to have a completely different overall theme/plot and I'm trying to integrate the particular desires of his captors into that.
I think in the end it will work out all right (as a full set) At least, I'm on page 5 of the first sequel and it seems to be helping explain all the holes from the first a bit better.
But yes, I completely agree with you... the beginning was indeed too short and not at all a good explanation of his injuries. I should have gone into slightly more detail there or waited to post until I had everything worked out in my head.

As for Siri... wow... I deduced her head-strong-ness from her bio, but the competition aspect is a surprise, though I do like it from her. That does sound rather disturbing, though. Poor Obi...

I loved the healer bit, too. Qui infringing on Obi's pride, then attempting to cover it up, sighting his own injuries as reason. And the small repromand that Qui gave was definitely a good way to affirm the pecking order. They may be lovers, but they are still a Jedi master and padawan. Good job!
heehee Yay! And thanks :-) I was quite surprised when Qui-Gon suddenly came up with that one on his own *G* I love when characters forgo my plans and surprise me, especially with an extra wave of caring and worry like this. And while I don't think Qui was so concerned about pecking order for himself, he did have both Adi and Siri there (who disagree/argue on their own) and I think he wanted to show them that he was the one in charge in his relationship to Obi and that his word was not up for debate. I think if they'd been alone, Qui-Gon wouldn't have bothered with even giving a hint of a repremand.

Anyhoo... I would certainly never "shove" your suggestions! If writers wish for others to read and understand their works it's important to see how readers percieve them. And I completely agree with you about the beginning... one scene was certainly not enough(though thank you for reassuring me on the passage of time bit) I think at one point I just wanted to get that whole section quickly over and done with and didn't want to go back and look at it realistically, especially knowing what I wanted to add in the sequel. But if the cause/result don't match up logically to readers, that is indeed a huge problem...
I think I'm going to play around with the sequels a little more, then decide how much to add to the first one. I did want them to be stand-alones, even if they should be read as a set.

Thank you SO much for taking the time to help me with this! It's very not what I usually write... and doesn't make me particularly happy to write at times... but when the images/scenes pound at me, it's hard to deny them.

[(Anonymous)]

Oh! Okay, that clears a few things up. I just for some reason assumed that the sequel(s) wouldn't be delving much into what happened during his time with the three girls (I was thinking fluffy fluffy fluff fluff) - and, really, that he was more of that one girl's pet. That she was the one mainly interested in Obi - and the one who caused most of the trauma. But all three are actually having their way with him regularly? That explains a few things, lol.

With that in mind, this fic gives only a hint at what he went through, but, obviously, alluding to a greater picture. Teasing, almost. That seems like it might work extremely well. It would be the most tramatic encounters which would stick with him...hmmm...

Thanks for clarifying. :D The news of the sequels doesn't fill in the information, but it does provide something...plot hole plugs :) To hold the info's place until it is revealed. I was going off this as being a one shot deal and didn't really take into consideration possible sequels and parts that are yet to be told - patience has never been my virtue. Oops.

This is definitely going a bit deeper than most other fics you've written - it's a nice change and you seem to have adapted well.

-c

[tarotgal]

Oh! Okay, that clears a few things up. I just for some reason assumed that the sequel(s) wouldn't be delving much into what happened during his time with the three girls (I was thinking fluffy fluffy fluff fluff)
LOL Think more like angsty angst angst angst at this point but I think it will get better :-)
My poor sweet Obi...

With that in mind, this fic gives only a hint at what he went through, but, obviously, alluding to a greater picture. Teasing, almost. That seems like it might work extremely well. It would be the most tramatic encounters which would stick with him...hmmm...
That's a really much better way of putting it than what I've been trying to say LOL! Thanks :-) And hopefully that makes sense.
For what he went through, even if he thinks it was just a physical thing, it's the memories of everything that stick...

Thanks for clarifying. :D The news of the sequels doesn't fill in the information, but it does provide something...plot hole plugs :) To hold the info's place until it is revealed. I was going off this as being a one shot deal and didn't really take into consideration possible sequels and parts that are yet to be told - patience has never been my virtue. Oops.
I wasn't sure about a sequel really until I got halfway through the first story itself. But then I wanted to post and get a little feedback before I ran too far with it. I did intend it to be a stand-alone, though, so I really should have thought to drop many more hints than I did. But I didn't want to announce that I was certainly going to write more until I actually started writing it. Then if people Boo'ed me out of existance I could just write and keep the sequels to myself :-)

This is definitely going a bit deeper than most other fics you've written - it's a nice change and you seem to have adapted well.
Thanks... I suppose. It's still a little scary. I don't mind BSDM it's just not usually my thing, certainly not something I really choose to delve into. So it's my first time, apart from a few non-fanfic stories like the Cowboy one at writing something quasi-squicky to me or out of my element. I'm not sure I'd go as far as to say it's deep... but it certainly does have a much more serious spin. Especially in this second part...