Feeling Slightly More In Control

I sat in the parking lot of the grocery store today and four giant black crows came and sat on the cart return in front of me, staring right at me. Felt like I was in The Stand. Happy Friday the 13th! Seriously. Not cool, crows. NOT APPRECIATED.

Thanks for your kind words, flist! *HUGS* I'm entirely symptom free (though that hasn't stopped me from taking my temperature every day, just in case).

After some prodding, my workplace finally got a policy in place today. I went into the office to unlock a computer for a coworker who doesn't have a laptop, so he can take it home to do his work. I reached out to all our other employees without company-issued laptops and walked them through installing the software or whatever they needed on their personal machines so they could telework. Our office will essentially be closed for 2 weeks, though I might drive up next week to pick up personal items from the shipment after they arrive on Tuesday. We'll see where things are by then. I've got another 4 hours of work to do tonight, because I just spent half my day driving to another state and back again. Sigh.

I've spent WAY TOO MUCH MONEY on groceries this week, but buying things is making me feel reassured and safer. I now have extra bottles of all my medications, some canned goods, extra personal hygene products, etc. This weekend I plan to put together a comprehensive spreadsheet plan to cycle through items that will be placed in my emergency boxes going forward. So as I start to run out of toothpaste at my sink, for example, I'll buy a new one and then put that new one in the emergency box while taking out the one that was in the emergency box to use at my sink. So I won't have items in the box going bad (which was the problem with the boxes of granola bars, etc. that were in there originally). Everything expires at a different rate, and I also use different items more or less frequently, so I'll need a spreadsheet to keep track of it all and not waste anything.

I've also set up a staging area by my door where all incoming items from the outside are to be kept such as mail, packages, shoes, purse, jacket, and all non-perishable purchases. They will remain there for at least a day (so far, things have been there for 3-4 days before I go near them, because I'm that level of paranoid right now, apart from my laundry items, which go straight into the washer). I purel or wash hands immediately after leaving them in the designated area. Sometimes I disinfect them when they come out of the staging area, just in case (depending on the item; my jacket has never been cleaner! LOL).

Today I had 100% success using my elbow on touchpads at the grocery store (practice makes perfect!) and also devised a method of carrying extra tote bags in the grocery store so I can shift items from the self checkout from one bag to another, ensuring that: I don't have to touch a cart (I was wasting valuable wipes wiping down shopping carts when stores were out of the wipes they normally provide), I don't have to put the items onto the counter, and I don't have to use a hand scanner device. It was my first time using the method, and there were a few bumps to work out with the distribution of heavy items/perishable or non perishable items in their own bags to make it easier to sort them into the staging area or disinfect them when they enter my house. But I think I've stumbled upon a method that mostly works, assuming my future shopping trips will just be for regular, sustaining food.

I ordered some regular cleaning supplies the other day for just every day cleaning so that I don't have to waste my precious antibacterial cleaners on my routine, every day counter and bathroom cleanings. Until now, I've been having to decide if a mess is big enough to clean or just to wipe away with water, and that makes me feel less clean overall. I also REALLY get into my nighttime and Sunday morning cleaning routines that I've been doing for months now, and I really want to keep both of those up to maintain my routine/sanity. I just don't want to waste the really good cleaning products on thngs that probably don't need to be disinfected that often. I'll have to figure out what a good timeframe for those should be, as far as disinfecting goes. I also have to start figuring out a more consistent routine for wiping down doorknobs, phones, keyboards, and computer mice. I wash my hands before touching any of these things and after touching them as well, but I still feel I need to start considering a routine for them rather than my normal "I'll clean them when it pops into my mind to clean them" which is how I operate normally.

Was thrilled to find that my gas station has installed purel stations, so even though I used paper towels to touch the pump handle and touch screen interface, I still took advantage. I'm going to use the free purel 100% of the time, whether I need it or not. That's where I live now.

Yesterday, I went to the allergist for shots. I was there for 40 minutes total and used Purel 4 times. THERE WERE JUST SO MANY DOORKNOBS, DAMN IT! My current Purel buddy on my purse is a sloth with a unicorn horn lounging on a rainbow. I have no idea why this exists, but I love it so much. (I also have one that's a unicorn in a spacesuit and an owl with a bow on its ear).

So far, the only news I've gotten about the coronavirus that has not made me feel panicked (including ones friends have sent, claiming that they're panic-free) has been the Harry Potter Alliance's email blast yesterday. They managed to reassure me, validate my feelings, and make me laugh all in one email. The HPA is truly magical!!!! Anyway, one AMAZING PERSON has put together a series of Wizard Rock songs of 20 second sections (i.e. sing from this line to this line) to wash one's hands to. This has improved my mental health more than anything else, I think. Yesterday, I washed my hands each time to The Whomping Willow's "House of Awesome" and today I washed my hands each time to Draco & the Malfoys' "99 Death Eaters." I'm planning to choose a different song each day. (Tomorrow, I think it's going to be "Charlie Weasley" by Tonks & the Aurors). This list has been such a game changer for me in improving both my mood and ensuring that I'm not rushing through the alphabet song (I've been singing the alphabet song while washing hands for YEARS now, and sometimes I have to sing it twice, because I'm not sure if I've gone too fast or not or if I'm supposed to sing the bit at the end. It's confusing. So WRock it is! I know that by heart, including the pacing, because I usually dance to it). https://twitter.com/nucinkislaura/status/1235735008851251202

I do plan this weekend to write up some simple "If I'm found dead, I've got 2 cats and here's who to contact" sheet to post on the inside of my front door. I have been meaning to do that for a year or so now, because I live alone and I read a book where the person whose job it is to track down that information for dead single people recommended this, and I'm thinking now is a good time to finally do it. I want to put something like "I've got a fire safe where all my important documents and passwords live" but if someone breaks into my house, I don't want them to know where those are. So I'll just have to tell everyone on my emergency contact list and hope at least one person on the A-survives the apocalypse and B-remembers and C- actually cares.

Anyway, I'm taking it day by day. Yesterday, I broke down in tears on a conference call. Today, I feel good. I feel like the situation is definitely getting worse (yet another 2 instances in my county were announced at noon), but I feel slightly more in control of the things I can actually control. And that's BIG for my mental health. I will not mention how many times I've considered various ways of committing suicide these past few weeks, because it's too many to count, honestly. But I'm taking it one day at a time and doing what I can to keep myself and my family safe. I dropped off groceries at my parents' place today, keeping a good distance between us (probably more like 4 feet than the recommended 6 feet, though) and suggested the staging area to them for anything that comes into the house that is nonperishable and not immediately needed.

One day at a time. I'm not Christian... so this is slightly edited... but it keeps popping into my mind today:
[G]rant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
Courage to change the things I can,
And wisdom to know the difference.