Communication failures

[tarotgal]

My family never tells me anything. I've said that for ages, but it's true. I've decided today that my keen observational and listening skills probably evolved from my trying to discover what was going on. They'll casually say "dinner's just about ready" downstairs and I'll head down as I hear footsteps going towards the table, for example. Instead of being told about things, I have to listen to conversations going on in the room beneath/around mine to understand what's happening. And it's not because they don't WANT me to know. They simply don't tell me and then forget that they haven't told me. And then they expect me to know. I think this is why I innately tune into and follow eight different conversations around me when I sit down in a cafe, or push in when I sense a waiter is coming through with a tray. It's not just being polite, it's because I've learned I HAVE to be aware of everything. I get anal about it, sometimes, but I never really understood why I did it before now.

I used to think it was just the writer in me who wants to know what's always going on. And I used to think it was because my parents are half deaf and don't listen when I talk (and, thus, I always listen twice as hard and I tend to gravitate towards friends and lovers who take the time to LISTEN when I talk. That's the most important thing to me in a relationship, sadly). But today I really realized why it is I listen and have a heightened awareness.

It's because they really DON'T tell me things and DO expect me to know them.

For example, they ask me if I'm ready to leave to go to the store, when I was never told or asked about going to the store. And if I hadn't listened in, I wouldn't have known about it. Sometimes I get angry that they don't ask or tell, and they ALWAYS apologize for forgetting to tell me (or claim they did when they didn't). I never take it seriously, but sometimes it's a bit annoying that they always forget.

But today was the absolute last straw. I cannot stop laughing about this one, honestly. My father took the week off this week. I'd been trying to convince Mom & Dad to go off on a nice weekend together. They've not had time alone together since I was born, basically. I remember them going on 3 nights out, two to business functions and one to a wedding. So I was a little confused when Mom mentioned last night that she had to get up early to drive Dad to the metro (aka, the subway). I asked "Why? He's not going to the airport, is he?" And she said "No, just taking the metro in." He sometimes takes that into DC if he has something to work in DC about (like he did last week). So I thought little of it. This afternoon we had a great rainstorm and were talking about my sister driving home in it. Mom says casually "I'm glad your father got out okay earlier before the rain." So I said, "What about Dad?" assuming he'd need to be picked up after work.

Everything STOPPED. Sister and Mom froze for about five seconds, then Mom laughed. "Oh my gosh," she says, literally clapping a hand to her mouth. "I didn't tell you? He flew to Iowa this morning!" I had NO CLUE. My sister, however, seemed to know this already. Well, at least my parents manage to tell SOMEONE important things. *bangs head against wall* This isn't a frequent thing, mind. My fatherhas gone alone to Iowa only twice from what I can remember and both times were for funerals. Unless they forget to tell me someone died, he just went to see his mom this time.

Apparently, I missed all conversations about this(usually if I miss one conversation I can put things together based on others), though it was also just a few days from idea to flying out. But WHAT THE HELL? How can my parents- either of them- suddenly forget to tell me my dad's going halfway across the country for a good part of a week? How is it possible to just FORGET to tell a daughter about that? Especially as I said "Good morning" to him about 2 hours before he left for the metro and, apparently, the airport. I could have said "Safe trip, say 'hello' to Grandma for me!" But, guess what? I wasn't told about it. *slaps hand to forehead* WTF?? LOL

This not being told important things and being expected to know them thing is REALLY starting to get annoying. Hilarious because it's so awful, but annoying. LOL Just thought I'd share the funny patheticness that was my day. No wonder I've a headache...

Comments

[smokeycat-430.livejournal.com]

I am so with you. My family never tells me anything either. Last Saturday my mom and da decided to go out to dinner because it was their anniversary last Wednesday but didn't have time during the week to go out. I was gone during the time they had left and I didn't find out they had even gone out until the next day when I found Red Lobster bag containing their left overs in the fridge and asked my brother where it had come from! Grr...And that's just one of the minor most recent examples. You'd think they'd tell me these things as I'm the oldest and all and can drive and would be responsible in case of an emergency--but no. Anyway I totally understand understand where you're coming from.

[brigidmn.livejournal.com]

Ughh. My mom is notorious for that. She'll come up to me and say "did I tell you so-and-so died?" Fortunately most of the time, she already has, so it's not a big shock. The only time I didn't know was when it was my grandma's cat. My response was "now you did." But, at least with something like that, there are better ways of phrasing it.
Or there was this other time, when her friend's husband died and no one told me, and a few months later, I asked how Butch was doing since I knew he had cancer. My mom looked at me like I was nuts, and said "He's died a few months ago, did I forget to tell you?"
I can look past it on most things...it just gets annoying and makes me feel invisible, but there's been major stuff like deaths or my dad going out of town that I haven't known about. Then I get pissed because I look like an idiot because no one told me.
And here's the really annoying part...they'll tell my sisters multiple times and not tell me at all.
So, totally understand why you're frustrated. Feel better...You're not alone.