(no subject)

[tarotgal]

So we just got the call. My grandfather died this afternoon around 4:30 their time. I got the news second hand from my dad who pretty much turned to me and said. "Well, that's that. It's over." He's broken up about it, I can tell, he's just not so great with finding the right words. Which may be one reason I ended up being a writer. Damnit. Grandpa was doing so well yesterday, too... they were going to move him home on Saturday and were fixing up the house to do so and then today apparently everything went bad again and he was having trouble breathing again. I'm sure he would have preferred dying at home but at least he was in Santa Barbara, where he wanted to be. And surrounded by family. So that's good.

I, however, am a complete mess. Luckily, I've got cats to keep me company tonight and dad's gone to bed early so I don't feel so stupid walking around crying. I think I'm going to throw all my efforts into cleaning. It'll be nice to fix something. And hopefully I'll manage to tire myself out enough to fall asleep but I don't know when that'll be. I'm kind of annoyed that no one even asked if I wanted to fly out there for the memorial service (which I would very much like to attend... course I don't know if they're even having one) or to help out or anything. But I guess someone needs to stay here and take care of the animals. I'm rather used to being left behind so I can handle that. I'm seriously more worried about my cousin than anything else. He was so close to my grandfather and he's going through so much tough shit right now anyway that I'm scared to death he's going to do something like OD or drive his car off a road or something. Which wouldn't be the first time he's tried the latter. Wish I could be out there to watch over him is all. I'm sure the fact that we're getting a huge snowstorm tomorrow will only magnify my feelings of being cut off from everyone. But I like snow so that will be a comfort. I'm just a mess right now. And I'm going to stop rambling now. Sorry 'bout that.

Okay! Off to do the dishes and scrub the floors and throw a load of towels in the laundary and whatever else the hell I can find to clean...

Comments

[gayleshy.livejournal.com]

Oh my goodness, I am so sorry. If you need to talk or anything I'm here and will listen. *hugs* Gayle

[spiral-reflex.livejournal.com]

Really sorry about your loss.
::hugs::
And even though he's gone, his memory will
forever be in you heart. Never forget that. ^-^

Maki

[schtiel.livejournal.com]

Oh sweetheart, you have no idea how sorry I am for your loss. What you have been going through is mirroring what's going on with me and I wanted to so many times to comment about it, but I'd start feeling upset and couldn't finish. I've kept you in my thoughts and know how hard it is to loose someone and I wish the best for you and your family. *massive huge hugs*

[brigidmn.livejournal.com]

Oh hon, I am so sorry. I hope everything goes smooth for your family and for your cousin. Big hugs here.
I'm glad the snow will help cheer you up, just hope the snow there isn't as bad as the snow here.
Hang in there. Sending lots of positive thoughts and warm wishes your way.
Brigidmn

[smokeycat-430.livejournal.com]

I'm so sorry to hear about your grandfather. You and your family will be in my thoughts/prayers. *hugs*

[ladykorana.livejournal.com]

I'm so sorry, tg. I don't have much I can really say that hasn't already been said by others, but your whole family has my sympathy. I'll be thinking of you. *HUGS*

[calliope-doll.livejournal.com]

Awww, TG. -huggles- I'm sorry. I know it doesn't help much or anything, but I really am. There's probably not anything I can do, but.. if there is, just let me know, okie?
♥ Carolee

[a4o.livejournal.com]

I'm sorry to hear about your grand-father. Sometimes, when we lose a loved one, the hardest part is that we never get a chance to say goodbye properly. When I lost my grand-mother, I staged in my mind a conversation with her in which we talked about the good things we shared together, what I wanted to do with my life, etc, and I got to tell her how much I loved her. I don't know what's after death and I have no idea if my message got through to her, but it sure helped me cope with her death. Maybe it could help you too.

Véronique

[vatergrrl.livejournal.com]

(((tg))) I'm so sorry to hear this news. Do what you need to do to get through it, and don't beat yourself up over any "inappropriate" thoughts that might pop up in the next few days.

Ann

[(Anonymous)]

Aw hon - so sorry for your loss. Cry and feel sad all you want :( and then remember all the good times with your grandfather and how he would want you all to remember him, not with tears and sadness, but with joy, love and happiness - then carry that in your heart always. And know he will always be with you, in all the things that he loved - he will truely be your guardian angel - I know this because my grandmother is mine.

Love and Hugs

Deb

[(Anonymous)]

Tg, I'm so sorry for your loss. I realize that this probably won't help much, and everyone else has said everything that could possibly be said, but I am still very sorry.

[(Anonymous)]

Tg,
Just want you to know how sorry I am, and that I'll be thinking of you.

Tina

[(Anonymous)]

I'm so sorry, but on the brightside, my Grandparents on my father's side never lived to be quite old, I was like ten for my Grandpa and like 15 for my Grandmother. At least you're older and really appreciated him. He was very lucky to have such a loving family, I'm sure that he was at peace. It's so happy to hear that he had family around him, an ideal way to go I'm sure. Our thoughts/prayers are with you.
Love, ~A

[silly-sooze.livejournal.com]

*hug*
I don't wanna sound cliché but I know how you feel. something very similar happened to my grandfather a few years ago. nobody ever saw it coming. it hit us all right between the eyes.
it's hard, yes... *many hugs*
cleaning is a good way to, well, deal with shit. literally.

[(Anonymous)]

Oh, Hon, I'm so sorry. ::hugs::

You and your family are in my thoughts.

-c

[snowshie.livejournal.com]

I know it's never enough, but I am so sorry. *hugs*

[girlwithtulips.livejournal.com]

*HUGS TG*

I'm so sorry to hear about your grandfather. I can only imagine the upset that you and your family are going through. I don't have any wise words or advice but you're in my thoughts and, just *HUGS*

Also, I'm sorry I've been so behind with LJ that I'm only checking and replying now.

*more hugs*