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Jan. 21st, 2005 10:56 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
tarotgalSo we just got the call. My grandfather died this afternoon around 4:30 their time. I got the news second hand from my dad who pretty much turned to me and said. "Well, that's that. It's over." He's broken up about it, I can tell, he's just not so great with finding the right words. Which may be one reason I ended up being a writer. Damnit. Grandpa was doing so well yesterday, too... they were going to move him home on Saturday and were fixing up the house to do so and then today apparently everything went bad again and he was having trouble breathing again. I'm sure he would have preferred dying at home but at least he was in Santa Barbara, where he wanted to be. And surrounded by family. So that's good.
I, however, am a complete mess. Luckily, I've got cats to keep me company tonight and dad's gone to bed early so I don't feel so stupid walking around crying. I think I'm going to throw all my efforts into cleaning. It'll be nice to fix something. And hopefully I'll manage to tire myself out enough to fall asleep but I don't know when that'll be. I'm kind of annoyed that no one even asked if I wanted to fly out there for the memorial service (which I would very much like to attend... course I don't know if they're even having one) or to help out or anything. But I guess someone needs to stay here and take care of the animals. I'm rather used to being left behind so I can handle that. I'm seriously more worried about my cousin than anything else. He was so close to my grandfather and he's going through so much tough shit right now anyway that I'm scared to death he's going to do something like OD or drive his car off a road or something. Which wouldn't be the first time he's tried the latter. Wish I could be out there to watch over him is all. I'm sure the fact that we're getting a huge snowstorm tomorrow will only magnify my feelings of being cut off from everyone. But I like snow so that will be a comfort. I'm just a mess right now. And I'm going to stop rambling now. Sorry 'bout that.
Okay! Off to do the dishes and scrub the floors and throw a load of towels in the laundary and whatever else the hell I can find to clean...
I, however, am a complete mess. Luckily, I've got cats to keep me company tonight and dad's gone to bed early so I don't feel so stupid walking around crying. I think I'm going to throw all my efforts into cleaning. It'll be nice to fix something. And hopefully I'll manage to tire myself out enough to fall asleep but I don't know when that'll be. I'm kind of annoyed that no one even asked if I wanted to fly out there for the memorial service (which I would very much like to attend... course I don't know if they're even having one) or to help out or anything. But I guess someone needs to stay here and take care of the animals. I'm rather used to being left behind so I can handle that. I'm seriously more worried about my cousin than anything else. He was so close to my grandfather and he's going through so much tough shit right now anyway that I'm scared to death he's going to do something like OD or drive his car off a road or something. Which wouldn't be the first time he's tried the latter. Wish I could be out there to watch over him is all. I'm sure the fact that we're getting a huge snowstorm tomorrow will only magnify my feelings of being cut off from everyone. But I like snow so that will be a comfort. I'm just a mess right now. And I'm going to stop rambling now. Sorry 'bout that.
Okay! Off to do the dishes and scrub the floors and throw a load of towels in the laundary and whatever else the hell I can find to clean...
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Date: 2005-01-23 08:38 am (UTC)Love, ~A