New Desktop & Emotional rants

[tarotgal]

Changed my desktop again. Ewan didn't last long. Didn't think he would. One of JayAy's photo manips won me over today. Usually I like but not love JayAy's stuff. Sometimes I don't really dig the bodies or the amounts of hair or the way some look kind of fake. But there are a few fantastic ones, and this one drew me in immediately when I found it in my e-mail today when I got home from work. His hand... and his expression... and the light from the window against his skin... *THUNK*

JayAy's site: http://myth-drannor.net/A'maelamin/


Had an emotional night tonight. Aunt called about selling my grandparents' house- which will probably happen very soon- and so Mom yet again brought up the question about me going out to see it one last time. Which, of course, made me break down because, damnit, it's just a house and I'm really bitter about not having even been asked if I wanted to go out when he was dying and especially about not being told they were having a service until it was pretty much over and I couldn't get out there in time. So it all came to a head tonight and I spent a good hour in tears- which made my mother feel horrible so she cried as well. It was not a good night. And it's TOTALLY not her fault- I don't blame her one bit for not telling me about the service or making me take care of the house for her when she was over there. She had MORE than enough to deal with without thinking of me. I just... would have liked to have been asked. So seeing the house now is kinda... I don't know... no comfort whatsoever. Not that I wouldn't like to see it one last time... I don't know. Seems kind of stupid to fly all the way across the country just to stand in a house I've been in a hundred times before which has already had their personal stuff cleared out of it anyway. And, yet, that stupid "closure" word keeps coming back. Not that I'll get any. I don't know. I'm still a mess and I don't really think I'd be any better there than here. Apart from the having to spend a lot of money getting out there to visit a house. Gah... anyway, eyes are killing me from crying so very, very much. Don't think I'm going to get much done tonight.

Though I much must MUST e-mail the people hosting my website for work because they're MAD- I ask them about a few things and they don't respond for a week. After 3 e-mails and a phone call the response I get isn't of the helpful variety. It's of the "We'll let you know how much it'll cost you for us to help you with that" variety. Fuck it. I needed tech support, not people updating the site for me. We don't need a snazzy logo or some marketing people critiquing the website. Not like anyone really visits it at the moment anyway. LOL SO I must e-mail them and tell them not to bother spending MORE time calculating a bill for something that I need 10 minutes of someone's time to answer a few technical questions. Ghods, what these stupid web people get away with, ripping Joe Businessman off because the normal person doesn't know how easy and fast web development really is... not to say it should be done easily or fast but it's so not as difficult or mysterious as people think it is. I swear if the person hosting this site wasn't my boss' relative I'd drop her in a second, if not sooner. Can you say MAJORLY overcharging?!

Good news is, I don't work tomorrow so I get to sleep in. Bad news is, I need the money since I'm getting a crown put on one of my teeth in the first week of May and that's $1,000 right there. Guh. I'm so young and already I need a crown. Well, that's what I get for my hatred of dentists and not visiting one for, like, 5 years. But after that appointment and my bi-annual cleaning the week after that, HOPEFULLY I won't have to step foot in there for a LONG time.

Damn this is a despressing/sad/angry post. Sorry about that. You'd think the sexy elf on my desktop would calm me down... but I've so many windows open on the comp at the moment I can't see him. So I shouldn't blame him. It's just been a tough year so far. Oh, and the Peter Jennings thing. Peter's my God of News. I cried for, like, 20 minutes last week when he announced he had lung cancer. I'm so scared and worried about him. I don't even want to THINK about facing the news without him!! He's pretty much the only reason I got through that night after election day last November.

Comments

[ladykorana.livejournal.com]

Oh tg... Damn, it's hard when everything comes crashing down on you all at once emotionally like that. On the one hand, it's terribly painful to break down and deal with such raw emotions...but on the other hand, it's incredibly necessary to not bottle it in forever and always play the strong role. It might not be your mom's fault that you weren't told, but you were still hurt by it and your emotions are every bit as valid as hers are. And whatever comes of all this turmoil, know that you definitely have all of my love and support right now. *HUGS*

[ladykorana.livejournal.com]

P.S. I'm with you on those pic manips. I found the vast majority of them to be very fake looking and/or more than a little odd and creepy (particularly the Jude Law one), but your wallpaper is definitely the nicest of the bunch. I love the lighting effects, and the hand is very nicely placed *G*, even if the head is a little too big, the chest not athletic enough for an elf, IMHO, and the skin tone of the arm and, err, other lower focal areas is dark enough to be Aragorn rather than my pale elf. Still, there are few things I'd rather have on my computer than a nearly nekkid elf-boy! :)

[vatergrrl.livejournal.com]

tg -- Very sorry to hear that the sale of your grandfather's house is causing distressing memories to pop back up to the surface. I don't, however, think it's a silly thing to get upset over: your grandfather's house is still a tangible tie to *him*, even if it might not seem that way. I had my father take a zillion photos of my late uncle's house before it was sold, just becuase I had such fond memories of my uncle Ken *through* that house. He was an artist, and every little detail of his house was an extension of his personality and his artistic vision. I'm certain that your grandpa's home was like that in some ways for you, so it's another letting go and that's difficult.

Agreed with ladykorana that the manips are mostly a bit off -- the heads are too big for the bodies. However, I have to say that I immediately noticed the little window above Legolas' head -- it's so, erm, *penis* shaped! Naughty, naughty...

Big hugs to you, hon. Keep expressing yourself -- people need to hear it.