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tarotgalHow many fucking examples do I need before I get it into my head that I CAN'T RELY ON ANYONE? To be honest, I'm getting much better at not getting my hopes up any more, but even when slight possibilities of things are dashed I get disappointed and I hate being disappointed. I should just get "trust no one" tattooed on my arm or something. Then at least maybe I'd be less surprised when people let me down again and again and again *sigh*
I think the problem is partially having a stay at home mother (so she was always there if I needed a ride or advice) and having incredibly great real life best friends at times when I was growing up who would be there for me no matter what. Unreasonable expectations.
Maybe I expect too much of people? Maybe it's because I'm anal and I HAVE to plan things out days, weeks, and months in advance? Maybe in the real world "let's do X" actually means "let's say we'll definitely do X but right before we do it, we will probably back out completely with no notice whatsoever"?
Maybe I just need to remind myself to give up on people all together and do whatever I want and need to do to be happy? Then at least I'll be pleasantly surprised if things happen and not disappointed when they don't happen. And I KNOW I've said this to myself before... but apparently it's taking longer to really listen.
So speaking of which... I'm seriously considering going alone to the Faerie World con in October.
I think the problem is partially having a stay at home mother (so she was always there if I needed a ride or advice) and having incredibly great real life best friends at times when I was growing up who would be there for me no matter what. Unreasonable expectations.
Maybe I expect too much of people? Maybe it's because I'm anal and I HAVE to plan things out days, weeks, and months in advance? Maybe in the real world "let's do X" actually means "let's say we'll definitely do X but right before we do it, we will probably back out completely with no notice whatsoever"?
Maybe I just need to remind myself to give up on people all together and do whatever I want and need to do to be happy? Then at least I'll be pleasantly surprised if things happen and not disappointed when they don't happen. And I KNOW I've said this to myself before... but apparently it's taking longer to really listen.
So speaking of which... I'm seriously considering going alone to the Faerie World con in October.
