Terrible Day So Far

[tarotgal]

And it's only noon. Have I mentioned how much I HATE Tuesdays?
Feel free to skip this post... it's just me trying not to have a mental breakdown. I'm so exhausted and scared right now it's not even funny.

I didn't go to sleep last night. Which means I'm hurting much right now. Meeting went fairly badly this morning, too. Growl. I need to just leave. I need to pick up and fucking leave and move to a commune(sp?) in Iowa or something. I'm just too stupid to do work, I think. And especially after a night of not sleeping.

Grrrr. I'm too exhausted to move properly... yet I can't fall asleep either. And I have another meeting tomorrow morning so I should probably sleep tonight. Gah... I'm so stressed. And tired. And freaked out. Told my advisor I had more written than I do... I don't know why that scares me. I know I'll get a lot written for him to look at. He wants me to forget user testing and just defend. I'm scared as shit to defend.

And then everyone keeps freaking asking me what I'm doing when I graduate. How the hell am I supposed to know? *sigh* I wish I could think of a decent answer. But I just don't know. Which, frankly, scares me. And is a reason I can't fall asleep when I try to lie down, either. NOT a good day. I'm really just freaking out. Can't really think straight, so I can't write to calm down. And I can't think of a good movie that might put me to sleep. Damnit. This is NOT my day. LOL

Boyfriend, who is considering killing himself still because of his little accomplishments, is actually in a better state than I am right now. He at least has an income for the next 6 months. I, on the other hand, am getting my last paycheck in a few weeks with no freaking clue what to do next *sigh* LOL It's really sad when your life is much worse than a depressed, suicidal guy's. And yet, he still freaking expects me to try to talk him out of it. LOL

I'm going to go scope out my movies and try to find one to calm me down... and think of something to eat that will keep my arms/hands from shaking so much. LOL Good luck... :-)

Comments

If it makes you feel any better...

[(Anonymous)]

I owe my advisor a ton of work, too, and I'm scared to even write the damn dissertation. I'm only employed up till next January, and since I'm a foreigner in the country I study in, I'm not even certain I'll be able to stay on in the country once I give up my work pass.

I have no goddam idea what I'm going to do, either, after I graduate, I'm up in the middle of the night wrestling with data, and I'm coming down with yet another cold - the perpetual stress and late nights are depressing my immune system.

But go visit www.phdcomics.com - I'm recommending it to every grad student I know.

Lots of water helps to flush excess caffeine from the system, glucose powder provides energy during/after an all-nighter, and warm soup calms the shakes (somewhat)! If you're trying to get to sleep, though, a glass of warm milk with honey and maybe a shake of cinnamon powder is nice.

(((hugs))), and you can get through this. Grad students unite!

Take care.

Re: If it makes you feel any better...

[tarotgal]

OMG!!! *hugs* You made me smile- which is no small thing right now!
I'm in LOVE with phdcomics- I own several t-shirts from them, actually- the 'Support your local female geek' shirt being my favorite. Oohhh I live for that comic strip sometimes! I've made half my friends addicted to it as well.

Gods... I'm sorry to hear about the work visa/pass issue, though. That's horrible. The least I'll be is kicked out of my apartment when I can't pay the rent. I can't imagine being kicked out of the country all together! *hugs*

Awww... thanks... I think water might be a good idea... I haven't had anything to drink today... I ate a peanut butter sandwhich for breakfast around 8 though... I don't own any milk, though that sounds like a lovely, yummy drink. Actually... I don't own honey or cinnamon either... I have chocolate sauce and protein shakes in my fridge right now, and that's it. I'm a sad, poor, unable-to-cook-toast grad student. LOL!

But I do have warm soup... the kind you drink so you don't have to wash a spoon or a bowl... (I'm also a lazy grad student)Maybe I shall try that. Thanks!!! *hugs* back! And feel better to you too!!!!!

Re: If it makes you feel any better...

[tarotgal]

Now that I think about it... you don't really *cook* toast, do you? Maybe that's my problem... Eh, it's okay, I don't have any bread either so it makes no difference. LOL!

Re: If it makes you feel any better...

[(Anonymous)]

Glad you're feeling better today, and thrilled to meet a fellow PhDComics fan! I have "The Light At The End Of The Thesis" printed out and stuck on my wall, and Newton's Laws in my folder :)

I'm also a poor, sad graduate student, except that I *always* have food tucked away somewhere - must've been a hamster in a previous life ;)

Re: If it makes you feel any better...

[tarotgal]

We have the Newton's Laws ones posted on the wall of our lab. And my advisor has that life of a grad student one... with the rising and falling graph as you hit quals, pick a topic, etc. on his office door. I introduced him to the comic- now he puts up at least one during class on the first day each semester :-)
It really is too funny... and true... makes you feel better to laugh along with everyone else in misery over it, at least!

Oohh food... I mostly have frozen foods and crackers to snack on. I have a lot of snack foods... just nothing so healthy as milk or bread(unless you count croissents! I've got some of those) Oh, and frozen bagaels. LOL Most perishables go bad too quickly before I can finish them, so I tend not to buy a lot of them. LOL Hamster! I had a lot of hamsters as a kid

[(Anonymous)]

Aww, lots of *hugs* in hopes for a better day tomorrow!
~ Annalisa

[tarotgal]

Thanks!! *crossing my fingers that it will be*